About J

Hi everyone! Juliet speaking, this is my story.

He walked across the room and I noticed him. A little voice whispered in the back of my head, "I wonder if he's gay." At this point we had not met and I only knew of him from before. We had never actually met.

At this point you might say, Juliet, how could you think that? What signs would give you that impression? You didn't even know him….

I have only had that distinct impression about 5 people in my life and I have never been wrong. But let us rewind 10 years or so.

I was in undergrad at BYU when I loved my first gay man. I didn’t know he was gay at the time. He was my best friend and we did so much together. He was the life of the party and for a girl who didn't have a lot of dating experience, he was everything I thought I wanted. I had questioned to myself and my roommates if maybe he was gay but it was never a sure thing. We dated briefly and then the world crashed. He said he didn't want to hurt me and thought it would be better if we were just friends. And so we were. It was hard but I didn't want to lose my friend. We were just friends for a couple years and then I went on my mission. 

I met a missionary who became a fast friend. We started our missions together and kept in touch as we were transferred to other areas. I knew that he was struggling but we never talked about it, so the specifics were unknown. Eighteen months later, we went home and I was shocked. We weren't supposed to go home at the same time. 

Eventually, I found myself in Utah again and I reached out to both of my friends. In their own ways, they each came out to me that they were gay. I hope that they felt nothing but love from me but I was young and naive then. So if they ever read this, I apologize if I was insensitive in any way. I'm grateful that they were open with me. Because of their openness, things started to make more sense as to our friendships. And I started to recognize patterns of behavior. Ultimately their examples prepared me for where I am now. 

Fast forward to January 2017. We were now in a new ward and I was called to be the choir director. If anyone has ever had this responsibility at church, they know how hard it is to get people to come consistently, especially men. And there was this guy that kept coming every week. And he was cute. But he was young. 

Then in the fall of 2017, I had convinced him and his friend to audition for the institute choir. I was hoping they would do it, subconsciously using it as a way to get to know him better. They came! 

In that time I noticed that he was incredibly giving and kind. He sang well. He loved God. He was open to new experiences. He loved to serve people. I also noticed that he kept himself apart from others. The more we got to know each other the more I sensed a weight or sadness about him.

Then later we planned to go see some Christmas lights with some friends and when everyone else didn't come, it turned in to our first date.

After that we talked and talked and talked, some nights for hours late into the night. And one evening he told me he really liked me but it wasn't fair to keep the relationship going when I didn't know everything about him. I went home that night thinking "he's either attracted to men or has an addiction to pornography".

Not many days later we decided to meet up at the Meridian temple. It was there that he told me that he was, in fact, attracted to men. I wasn't shocked. There were a lot of things we talked about that day but I made him a promise and I continue to do so.

"God has already blessed me with a lot of love for you. Wherever this journey takes us, I'm along for the ride"

And so it is, this is our journey and we are both on this unpredictable ride that can be called life. 

Do I know what the future holds for us? Not completely. 

Is it easy? No. 

Is it worth it to me? 100% yes.