These things I know

Before reading this post, read this About J

I’m relatively new to having someone in my life who experiences same sex attraction (SSA) on a daily basis. As I talked about in my about me, being closely connected to people who experience SSA/are gay is not new but up until now I thought that it would be a thing that passed in and out of my life as people came and went. So for obvious reasons I’m continually working on developing my understanding of the LGBTQ+ community. 
My journey through this experience and Quinn’s is often different each day and will be as the years go by. Right now I feel like he is so far ahead of me, so I often feel like I’m running to catch up in my understanding of same sex attraction and how it impacts a persons life. Anyone who knows me well knows that I want to have answers right away and understand how things work and will work. But the most important thing that I’m trying to improve is telling myself that it’s okay to go through the journey and be patient with myself. 
I’ve learned a lot already in our almost 2 years together. And there is definitely more that will be learned. Here are a few things that I have come to know:
  1. Attraction isn’t always a choice, it’s a biological reaction that is not often expected or easily controlled.
  2. Love is what is most important and deserves to be given. It is also a choice. We choose our love every day.
  3. Every person who experiences SSA experiences it differently. As Q has mentioned (see his about me here About Q), depression and suicidal ideations have been a major part of his journey but one of our dear friends has not had that in his life.
  4. Everyone’s approach to embracing/approaching/integrating SSA in their life is very different. Q + I feel like being very open about it is the healthiest approach for us and him. But we know some who do not live openly and that is their choice.
  5. Having an understanding spiritual leader is so key, especially navigating the alignment of faith & same sex attraction. What seems like something that can’t be done, actually can be.
  6. It’s okay to sit in moments of not understanding how things are going to work out. I don’t need to understand everything right now.
  7. I need a support network just as much as Q does. 
  8. It’s okay to say that it’s hard. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to get mad. It’s okay to ask for help when you feel like you are drowning. In those moments I’ve started to see that I’m not alone in it. 
  9. Our relationship is different than most. But it is the most successful as we focus on God and know that He is who brought us together and will be with us on this journey.  

Comments

  1. UnknownOctober 7, 2019 at 11:07 AM

    You are right, Juliet, It's not easy what you are both learning to deal with and remembering that you and Quinn are not alone is an important thing. You have lots of family that love and support you both. Any time either one (or both) of you need to talk just come on over. Kim and I are here for you both. We love you both very much.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ReginaOctober 7, 2019 at 1:55 PM

    Juliet. As I sat with Q and when we met and hung out I could see how much you care and love each other. I was worried for how hard it would be for both of you but also felt peace at the same time. You both are the sweetest of hearts and I pray for your continued strength. I think it is neat that you are sharing your thoughts. There are so many people that could benefit fro this. I hope that this will be a wonderful outlet for you. We love you and are here if you need us.

    ReplyDelete

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